I spent some of this weekend trying to slow down the massive amount of self-criticism that has built up. I exist with or without this voice in my head telling me I should be further along then I am. As do the tests I have to take, the chores I have to do, the relationships I want to flourish. If I work harder to quiet these critical voices, will my life be better or worse? Are these voices really necessary? No.

Lately, a few mistakes, misunderstandings, bad grades, etc. have really gotten me down about my progress. When I get like this, homework and my daily studies become a chore. I say to myself, "Maybe just put down the homework, and have a day off, but I did my share of that in December and January on the long winter break.

Is there really an other side to "break on through to" here? If I keep at it, am I going to be like Hellen Keller in "The Miracle Worker"? One day, complete, coherent Japanese will emerge?

When I studied (albeit briefly) French and Italian, grasping the concept of the verb tenses was pretty straightforward; present perfect, etc.

What made me really interested in learning Japanese was the cool things that you can make a verb do while speaking Japanese. For example:

行く-Go. The first difference is the natural state of a Japanese verb is not the infinitive (to go), it's ready to use: Stick a subject on the front and go.

行っている-I am going. Progressive Tense. Pretty boring, run of the mill stuff. What if I want to go somewhere? See below:

When I was preparing for the speech contest, I had my roommate listen to my Japanese and critique my pronunciation and recitation. There were some rough spots that I was expecting, to be sure. But I was surprised to find that some of the first words that I learned, I have been pronouncing incorrectly. Simple, everyday words. This had made me go back and look at how I pronounce many words, especially the ones that I have been taking for granted.

I added a couple of speeches I gave, you can access them through the craftily named "stuff" link at the top.

I've been speaking a lot more lately, at school, and around Japan. I have a little more confidence, and I am realizing that as all things end, at least temporarily, I will be leaving Japan in October probably. So, I am trying to maximize my time here. As a result, I make a lot of mistakes, get tangled up, hit dead ends, and my sentences take crazy turns. The hardest part is standing up, brushing myself off, and moving on.

Corns are pretty gross, right? Something you don't spend a lot of time on dates discussing. Even the word, to me, conjures images of food on dirty feet.

In Japanese, the expression for "corn" is "魚の目" - Fish Eye. Not only gross, a little creepy, too!

That's all for now.

It's Over...(疲れた!!)

I got third place in the Tokyo Japanese School Consortium Speech Contest! Not bad, considering this time last year, I really couldn't speak Japanese at all. The whole day was stressful but fun, I got to talk to a lot of other students, and meet lots of cool people.

The winner was a girl from Usbekistan and wrote about learning Kanji. I have to admit, I found her really fascinating to look at, I couldn't decide if she looked more Asian or Russian.

I love to say to myself in times like this, "Tommorrow at this time, it will all be over."

I have the speech memorized, I've gone over it a few times in front to teachers and other people. My roommate was the best critic, and as a result, I have realized there are many basic words that I have been mispronouncing. He ruthlessly pointed out what sounds really American, or where the accent is up instead of down.

God let this speech be over...

My roommate, who speaks really great Japanese, listened to my speech. He actually went way beyond my expectations, gave me a lot of helpful criticism, and let me read the speech three times. He also said I can bug him again tomorrow. The next day is the speech contest.

I haven't asked for his help before, because I hate to bother people. What a waste. Anyway, it was a good thing.

There was an article about 2 years ago, (I read about it here on Slashdot) about an experiment where bloggers wrote an SAT-style essay and were then graded. In the end, in many ways teenagers wrote about the same as adults. Of course, we (adults) forget grammar and usage, but the part that grabbed me was: