もういい。
今日、日本へ出発の時までの仕事見つけたと思う。安心して。新しい持ち物：家具や洋服など買いたくないけど最後のフォークも壊したし、好きなジーンズも敗れたし。仕方ないようね。

That is the only traffic I get, even though jlpt posts account for about 2% of my volumes of musings. That is what some might call misplaced market focus, since I have little to say about the test, and little desire to speak about it. Some of the bloggers I read would tell me I have discovered a market and should create a product for them. Hmm. I don't know. Here is my advice: to pass the jlpt, go to Japan, and learn Japanese there by using it all the time. Then, since about half of the JLPT1 grammar is rarely used by Japanese people, by Kanzen Master and study that. In fact by the whole series, vocab, kanji, listening... If you can make it through those, you are ok.

I guess this is turning into a post about the test. I guess the last thing I will say is that it is a massive amount of kanji and vocab, so if you aren't reading Japanese for entertainment, it will be like memorizing a dictionary.

I passed level 2, before they redid the test. I think I will take a shot at level 1 next year. I keep thinking that things will calm down.

So it looks like I am heading back to Japan in a few months. So it begins again. Looking over these past posts...the individual moments seem like lifetimes ago, but the time in Japan seems like only yesterday. I am scared about going back, but I will be ok.

When I went in 2006, I was single, still drinking, had saved a bunch of dough.

Now I am married, have a degree (started when I got back. I was 39). Sober. On the other hand, I am broke, college loan looming, no job (I am free-lancing). And adapting to married life and possibly living with my inlaws.

I know there is no sense in stressing about temporary things. Or even future things, as in future stress.

But it's nice to post again. Even if it is to myself.

In a review of "Step Brothers," Roger Ebert writes:

Sometimes I think I am living in a nightmare. All about me, standards are collapsing, manners are evaporating, people show no respect for themselves. I am not a moralistic nut. I'm proud of the X-rated movie I once wrote. I like vulgarity if it's funny or serves a purpose. But what is going on here?

Is America is on the verge of a big fistfight? Maybe it's what we need. Right wing nuts, convinced they are oppressed, are not satiated by the war and other pet projects of fear. Stress builds up in us all. American's have become ignorant, consuming, blobs of goo.

In High School, I was in creative writing, Judy. I wrote this poem about my father dying. My father wasn't dead, but I was angry and creative. So I read it, a girl cried, I had to lie about my dad. I walked out of class feeling like a sociopath. The whole year, she would look at me sympathetically, and I avoided her gaze.

Of course at PT conferences it came out that my father was not dead, only in New Jersey.

I always say and write too much.

what i can do
what i could do
what i can't do

It dawned on me in the last few weeks of this semester what was going wrong with the stat class. The formulas are easy to solve, so chapter by chapter, so I had no problem; until the tests. When it came time to apply what I had learned in a cumulative format, I was lost. I panicked.

Reading a problem during a long math test and not having any idea where to start is a singularly unsettling feeling.

Next stat class (next semester), I have to spend the time thinking and less time solving. When Bloom came up with the six levels of behavior in learning, he determined that most of the time we are tested only at the first level, where recall is the most important skill. It's much easier to take these tests when I am at a higher level.

When I was studying Japanese, I wrote Kanji over and over. I wrote them so much I can remember a great deal of it, even today. I wrote them until they were internalized. I allocated enough time to fully synthesize them. My stat class, I just tried to get the right answers, and move on.

So, I have all but stopped posting here. It is a strange feeling to reread posts that chronicled the time I spent in Japan and coming back here to Chicago. My life has changed and I although I will always be a student of Japanese I feel like I will be forcing myself into a character. And for a tiny blog like this, there is no point to that.

I have launched another blog that I am very excited about. It's called Modern Bozu, and

test

Well, that was a nice time, wasn't it? I took level one, knowing that I wouldn't pass this year, due to lack of study time. It wasn't a hard as I thought it would be. But I didn't pass.

Last week I took my finals, and there was also a charity event that I helped put together. So this morning is the first day after a very busy week. I thought about taking it easy, but there are many phone calls and odds and ends to take care of, so I don't feel like letting them fester.

I bought my books for the next semester. It will only be four classes, since I know I have to take a summer class regardless, I am not going to load up this semester. Either way I will transfer to UIC in the fall with 60 credits. I will be a 40 year old junior; I have no shame about that, and only a tiny hint of regret that my fear held me back so long.

I have also been on an exercise regimen, after stepping on the scale and hitting 195. I weighed in today at 184 after starting my program 5 weeks ago. I feel lighter and can see the difference. I want to lose 10 more pounds; I haven't broke the 180 mark in many years, but I keep losing weight, so I will keep it up. My plan is so simple, many people wouldn't even bother to try it, I think.  I go to the gym 6-7 times a week and burn calories. First 500, then 600; next week I will bump it up yo 700. I will start using weights again after this calorie-burning phase, sometime next month.

Going everyday makes me think about what I eat. I weigh myself once a week, on Saturdays, to make sure I don't pig out on Friday night, which is a habit I am breaking. It takes about 6.5 hours a week including commuting, so it's not a big time drain. I listen to podcasts, music, or watch tv (American TV is really nothing but "What Not To Wear", I am beginning to think).

I also bought some books on project management, supply chain, and The Four Hour Work Week.

So I have a busy month off...