From Jgram, The Japanese Database：

ex #3703   問題の中にはゴリラに不公平なものがある。
Some test questions are unfair to gorillas.

I start Monday at a former co-worker's art gallery. I hope it goes well, I had two short lived disasters, it can't happen a third time... It's too good to be true, literally next door to where I am living. How could that happen??

Four days of not smoking. I miss it, but it's nice not stinking. It really illustrates the power of tobacco over me, I really have to weigh the downside of smoking, which are by no means trivial; bad breath, stink like smoke, can't breath well, spend almost 10 bucks a day, have to carry gum around, have to smoke every chance I get. I don't even like making eye contact with people when I smoke.

Now I can googley-eyeball everyone indiscriminately.

I haven't spoken Japanese at all, outside my lesson. I said something incorrectly to my girlfriend in Japanese when we were talking this morning, and she laughed at me. I wanted to hang up, I felt myself turn red with anger. I never laugh at her crappy English, I always patiently wait for her to finish simple sentences. Oh, well, no point in feeling self pity. I like my Japanese:)

I got an unexpected letter from a classmate. I miss Japan. I miss my classmates.

I don't feel ready. But I am forging ahead. I finished the grammar book today, but I still need to review a bunch. Kanji, I will be working on that until the day before the test. Same with vocabulary and reading.

About 8 months ago, I traded drinking for smoking, and 2 days ago I quit smoking. It's not too bad this time, quitting. About 2 or 3 more days, and I won't crave too much. Already, things smell better. Chicago was wet, but warm, and smelled like Autumn.

I had yet another interview today. The first part went well, the second part, not as great. Yes, I am overqualified. Unless they are a anteater, anyone is overqualified for this dumb retail job.  Just give it to me.

Have a good Thanksgiving everyone.

My gig at the French restaurant lasted 2 days. I think I am done with the service industry. The manager was sketchy to begin with, then got real sketchy on my first night on the floor. I don't really go to French restaurants, mainly because I am not used to food taking that long to cook, and I always felt like someone was in my space, taking plates, moving forks, etc. Well, that's what waiting tables at that French restaurant entailed. He showed me for an hour or two, then berated me for not getting it right on my own tables. It's not worth going into, the point is, I thanked him and told him I wouldn't be back.

Finding a part time job that doesn't suck might be harder than I thought. Oh well.

I went to 5 restaurants today, which may not seem like much, but it's tiresome work, applying for jobs is. 3 just took my application, one said he'd call me tomorrow. The owner of this one French restaurant may have hired me, but I couldn't get a straight answer out of him. He said, "I like you, you come in, try it out, bum, bum, bum. Tomorrow at four. But tonight we have a new girl coming in, so I will let you know. I'll call you tomorrow. Or tonight. Very simple, bum, bum, bum.

I am lost in the vortex. My empty inbox and mute cellphone mock me. I wonder if all these places just want pretty girls. It's not crazy talk, that's the restaurant business. I spent $50 on cuff links this morning, and I didn't even take off my jacket. Damn. Tomorrow, maybe I'll just wear a sleeveless shirt.

Ashita mo Ganbaru.

My uncle uses this room I am staying in during the day, so I spend usually about an hour or two everyday at the library, sending out resumes, checking email, re-checking email, etc. I either go to the big one downtown or another rather large one closer to where I am staying. Chicago has a pretty good system of libraries, I have to say.

The only thing that sucks is, there is something weird going on in every bathroom I go in.  Either a homeless person has set up camp in one of the stalls, or people are drifting about, or people are just sitting in a stall with the door cracked. Everyone has a "wide stance" or has brought a big suitcase in there. I hear murmuring and who-knows-what kind of creepy semaphore going on. I miss the clean, quiet bathrooms at Ikebukuro station, and the little old lady that would clean around me as I peed.

After the library today, I went to a Korean restaurant for lunch. Kimchi chigae. Scalding hot, but delicious. It was nice to hear Korean, and the waitress reminded me of a classmate. I wanted to hug her, because I miss being around Asian people, but that might have been inappropriate, especially since she was rather cool to me. Anyway, I have been fighting a cold, and I think chigae is good for that. I ate until I started sweating on the back of my neck, left a big tip, and split.

I wonder if I can double my reading speed in 3 weeks. Then I would be safe for the test. I hate that feeling of looking at the clock run out of time from my classroom desk. Someday I will take a test and have plenty of time left over. I used to think I was a genius, but my test taking speed seems to prove otherwise. Oh well. Back to the studies.

I think I told too many people about this test, I'm starting to feel a little pressure. On the other hand, I finished studying the kanji I need to know, so I downloaded the vocabulary. I whittled it down by more than half to about 2300 words I need to review, so I will use flashcardexchange.com to cram them into my peanut brain. It may seem like a pretty massive undertaking, but if I cover about 200 words a day, I should be okay for the test. Even with only a day or so of reviewing, I am doing better on the reading quizzes. This series of books are excellent!

So I wrote out a pretty aggressive schedule that will allow me a few days to review everything for the test. About 21 days...

I don't want to make this bigger than it is. No matter if a person passes or fails, I think if you can communicate properly it may not matter if you have this on your resume, although many Japanese people I met are nuts about taking the TOEIC, so it's a good conversation topic, and you can moan and groan together about how hard learning a foreign language is.

It's more of a personal thing for me. And it is helping my Japanese, there is a lot of review I am getting to do, as well as some stuff we didn't cover in class. Plus, I used to resist goals and tests and that sort of thing, so it's nice to challenge myself to approach this kind of thing in a more positive light.

But if I don't pass, let me say for the record that all tests are bullshit. See yesterday's post about my job interview.

I went on the strangest job interview. I had to take 2 tests on MS Office, write a business letter, take a math test, and weirdest of all, I had to do a role-play where I was to find a specific kind of pencil for the interviewer. I was made to tell him how I would do it, all the while he would respond with, "okay, you call the company, that takes 10 minutes, they tell you they don't sell them, now what do you do?". Afterwards he adds up all the time, and asks me how I think I did, tells me I have terrible time management skills, and that I have probably never managed people before. I appreciate his unorthodox style, but that doesn't make him any less of a jackass.

Plus, I get this a lot; the first thing he says is, "Well you are pretty young and inexperienced, but that doesn't count you out." Now, he doesn't know how old I am, so I tell him, "Well, I'm 39 actually, I'm happy that still counts as young, also I have been in retail since I was in my early 20's." Not that I'm Norman Greenspan here (sorry, best analogy I could think of), but don't just look at me and judge me.

I never judge people who seem younger than me as being naive. I mean, I hear things that make me cringe sometimes, but that's because I've said some very corny, pretentious things in my day, and can relate.

By older people, I still get mistaken for late 20's, and the funny thing is, my young Japanese students always told me what the "young" generation was doing now, leaving me kind of bummed that apparently I am not part of that subculture anymore(;_;)

Then the guy rambled on about how I should "reflect" on the test, how important things in life are important, blah, blah. Free advice. You get what you pay for. Ironically, they called me back to get my salary requirements. I wonder if they will make me an offer. My crazy mind wants to get an offer, even though I don't want the job. Not that I want to turn them down, I just like being wanted. How needy is that.

Anyway, I told my Uncle about it. He and my Aunt are being so cool and patient, as I live here, eat there food, use their internet for blog posting. I am so grateful for them. I want to get out of their hair as soon as I can.

So much is going on.

I am preparing for the 2kyuu of the JLPT, which is less than one month away. I am nervous about it, my reading still leaves much to be desired. I finished cramming all the 1000 kanji, now I am focusing on the vocab and reading and grammar. My school didn't focus on JLPT prep, so there are lots of holes in my vocabulary.

I had a part time job lined up which, even though I had misgivings about the temperament of my boss, I took. Well, after about a month, I had to bow out. That was yesterday, so today I got my resume together, and walked around Chicago, mumbling and thinking.

I can't let that get in the way of my studies, but looking for a job not only sucks, but it's hard work. I need something part-time, and I prefer earning "more" than "less", but I am torn between looking for more of an IT related job (more money) or a retail job (less responsibility) . A job at a bookstore sounds nice. I would go to a Japanese restaurant, but most are run by Koreans here in Chicago, so my Japanese would be of little or no use. I thought about Starbucks, but man, everybody orders all those f-----g complicated drinks, I don't want to memorize that menu. I don't drink anymore, so bartending is out. I know I have lots of options, it's just knowing which route to go. And being a little patient.

Anyway, life is ok. I am still safe in my Uncle's apartment, have a little money in the bank, and am getting registered for classes soon. I have a good woman waiting for me in Japan, and good friends and family. I shall not forget to be grateful.

I'm working my part time job, getting ready for school, and studying lots of Japanese. That's about all I have time for. I haven't been too social, meeting friends for an hour or so here and there. My sleep schedule is still a little screwy, but I get up at about 6:30 so I can be ready to skype with my girlfriend at seven-thirty.

I miss her. The last 3 months I was in Japan, I lived really close to her, so we would take the same crowded morning train into Tokyo. We couldn't really talk, but we were next to each other, holding hands every morning for 30 minutes. The last few weeks, that time became sacred to me, I used to frantically ride my bike to the station to make that 7:26 Express. Now we can talk, but we are miles apart. さみしいなあ。