This quarter looks to be the hardest of all. My class and the one above me have been combined, so I am with people much, much better than me. Frankly, there are many times where I simply can't participate. We are reading the newspaper, and other material such as a 4 paragraph essay that, after spending 3 hours in class and 2 hours at home studying, I still don't understand.
What to do? I have to be honest, I am emotionally unequipped to handle situations like this. Do I stick it out? Do I move to a lower class? Since the tests at the end of last semester, I have been having stress headaches every day. At least I think that's what they are. Yesterday we had two tests and I had to read a speech. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, or throw up.
How did it come to this? I was not always the best at dealing with stress, but the 3 hours a day of concentration gets so intense for me I feel like it is going to give me a stroke. Some times just the brainpower that goes into processing the teacher's question is hard enough. Arriving at an answer becomes too difficult. Seemingly, in every sentence, there is a word or two that I have to guess at the meaning.
The test were ok, but the speech reading was pathetic. I hadn't reviewed the speech before reading it, but I'm not blaming myself for that, I was studying for the tests the night and morning prior. Still, it was embarrassing.
Every semester we have counseling, and ironically, mine was yesterday. I successfully made it through without behaving like a petulant child, but I voiced my concerns. I was told to give it another week, which I hope was more that just a boilerplate response.
I struggle to not lash out because I am so resentful.
I am confused, but I know it will be alright.